Indigo Ocean: Light Vision

Dare to Care

2008-06-15T07:59:00.004-10:00

With so much turmoil and suffering in the world, and 24-7 news availability making sure we know about all of it, it's easy for anyone to start shutting down emotionally. You may not even realize it is happening. It's like boiling the frog slowly, so that it never realizes there is a crisis and that it needs to jump out to save its life.

Your open heart is the path to your spiritual unfoldment. The awakened heart IS what it means to be awake. Therefore, anything that causes you to close your heart is a direct threat to your spiritual health. You must respond with action and not wait for things to get bad enough that you are noticing impairment in your day to day life. By then you have already lost so much.

There is a meditation you can easily do in just 5 minutes each morning to re-attune yourself to the path of awakening. Just sit with eyes closed and begin to imagine all the fear and worry people are feeling in their lives right now. Maybe start with people you know personally and the worries you know them to have, or start with the things you worry about yourself, but make sure you expand your awareness to realize that all around the world people are worrying about what is going to happen in different areas of their lives. This worry eats them up inside and dulls their ability to feel joy. Really imagine this until you can feel the feeling of their worry within yourself. Then imagine all their worry being consumed by a beautiful bright light, vanishing out of existence in a flash.

Then begin to think of other feelings of suffering people live their lives buried beneath. The anger, the sadness, the guilt -- imagine each one being liberated into light all around the world. (Perhaps note to yourself that this light is real, all-powerful, and all-pervasive. It is always present, and is in fact your own essential nature.) In the end, spend another minute watching as each person the world around shines their inner light brightly, no longer being dulled by the clouds of fear, anger, grief, shame and the mental confusion these turmoultous inner states cause.

When you are done, rise and go about your day with the conviction that you will be a beacon of light in the world, living your own life free of these conflicting emotions and helping those around you to do the same. Remember to notice each person you meet as an individual and greet them with an open heart. Be well.

Midlife Suicide Rises - A Loving Response

2008-02-19T09:08:00.004-10:00

The NY Times published an article today on the rise of suicides among the "mid-life years" populace over the last few years. The article is worth reading and so are the hundreds of readers' comments. Having read the comments, I posit the following in summary and response:

Many people cite different versions of fear or dread of what is to come as the rationale. There are various reasons why people fear/dread their futures after 45 or so, but I think that the bottom line is that there is a belief that things are only going to get worse, so why not quit while one is ahead.

If we look at our lives in terms of our physical and economic realities, that is often true. Things are going to probably get worse and then end in extreme suffering for many people. The only way suicide doesn't make sense is if we decide we are going to be something more than our physical condition, whether in terms of health or possessions.

As the song goes, "the greatest thing you could ever learn is to love and be loved in return." When it is enough to have the chance to be in this world as a localized expression of an infinite love, exchanging love with other parts of itself in the form of other "bodies," then life is worthwhile regardless of your aches and pains or financial insecurity/decline. Then you look ahead with an expectation of always being surrounded by love, the love you give definitely and probably also love you will receive in return. There really isn't anything else worth living for.

Oh, and if you say you don't have anyone to love because you are estranged from "too busy" adult children, didn't have children, are divorced, are widowed, whatever ... don't have family.... Well walk out your front door and love the first person you meet. Love every single person you meet everywhere you go. Love the cashier at the grocery store, even if she doesn't seem to be doing anything to be worthy of your love. Love all the people who are unworthy of your love. Love fearlessly and relentlessly.

If you're pressed for time and or can't get out much, join the Phone Buddies emotional support community I started last year at www.Phone-Buddies.com and build ongoing relationships with other people who want to exchange loving and supportive connection. If you have more time and mobility, contact your local volunteer center and connect with organizations that could use your help. Whatever you do, find some way to connect with others in a loving way... and enjoy the ride!

Grieving for the Caterpillar

2007-10-12T10:21:00.000-10:00

Dr. John Sarno has written eloquently about the psychosomatic nature of most back pain, as well as quite a few other physical maladies. (If you haven't read his work yet, I want to strongly urge you to do so, particularly if you do suffer from any chronic conditions.)

As I was reading his explanation of irrational, yet universal unconscious rage in his book "The Mindbody Prescription" I began to ponder a question he raised but did not answer: "To varying degrees, I believe we all harbor repressed rage, that to do so is normal for our time and culture."

The obvious next question is, "Why would it be normal for our time and culture for everyone to be harboring unconscious rage?" As I searched within myself for the answer, I realized it is not just within our time, nor likely limited to our culture. I believe there is an existential issue at the heart of this rage, and that its source is the catch-22 the ego is trapped in, which I will speak more of in a minute.

Does that mean there isn't also rage at how one was mistreated in childhood, passed up for a deserved promotion at work, or forced to care for ailing parents? No. There is that too. And I believe Dr. Sarno has truly helped a lot of people release physical ailments that were created in the mind as a part of its effort to repress the socially unacceptable expression of the wild rage that can be initiated by any of these events.

However, as I peel the onion, I find all of these to be several layers away from the core. The heart of the matter to me is the common factor among all people who suffer. We suffer because we are identified with the ego, which by its very nature is suffering personified. And the only freedom from suffering we can ever know, is if we ourselves disappear.

Now talk about injustice. How could anything be more unjust than that? Let me say that again: The only way that lasting peace and happiness can ever exist within your life is if you aren't there to experience it. You have to die in order for joy to be born.

I want you to sit with that understanding for awhile. If it hasn't brought you to tears yet, you don't really quite understand or believe it.

Your ego identity is the source of your unconscious rage. That rage would be there whether X ever happened to you when you were Y years old or not. Who you think you are not only does not truly exist, the belief in its existence and your identification with this false self as being "yourself" is the one and only true source of suffering in your life.

You have lived so many lifetimes thinking that you were a caterpillar but dreaming of flight and feeling cursed to crawl along on the ground with an inner knowing you were meant for something more. You are, but that is not because you are a grounded caterpillar. It is because the caterpillar was just a delusion. You are a butterfly.

Grieve your lost self identity. Grieve the pain of consciously facing the fact that everything you ever thought you were was actually the very prison you always hoped to one day walk out of a as a free being. Grieve the sun that will never shine on your free face, the dance of freedom you will never dance, the knowledge of your great self that will never be found. Grieve, for the only freedom that is real is the freedom from you.

Goodbye, caterpillar. Your time has reached its end and joy will go on in your absence. This is the true, inescapable nature of things. I understand your pain, your resistance, your rage -- and yet, it is what it is. Goodbye.

Hello, butterfly.

Grateful

2007-09-23T06:57:00.000-10:00

I'm so glad that:

I live in a place and time of such prosperity.
I'm healthy.
I have found a spiritual path that works for me and a teacher I trust to help me along that path.
I have a loving and encouraging family.
My blood clots when I get a booboo.
I can stay in the sun as long as I want without ever burning.
I started volunteering when I was very young, so see service as a normal part of life.
I like who I am enough to do things that are good for me.
I can move people with my words.
I like the way I look.
My friends and family are genuinely kind people, and not just to certain people, but in life in general.
I know the secret to happiness.

(tip: One part is thinking about life in terms of what one appreciates, when "storying" life, and the other part is resting in equanimity, when the mind let's go of it's attempts to write a story about who we are and what our lives mean.)

Wisdom and Wonder

2007-06-24T06:44:00.001-10:00

Below is a message I sent to a friend in response to a message she sent me in which she commented that she wished she had great days like the previous one more frequently nowadays, and that she had often had such days when she was back in college. I share it with you in case my message to her might also resonate with you.
...................

Dear xxxxxxx,

I'm glad you are in the zone this weekend. It seems like a general good vibe has descended upon the area, along with perfect weather. I think part of it is an individual phenomena and part is a collective one. The moods of so many people are drastically lifted by a shift in external conditions, such as weather, that it raises the collective vibe.

Then people who are more tuned-in to the energy of others around them, and less to conditional thinking, pick up on that and they are lifted too. It seems like everything glows, problems transform into insight and past, present and future all merge into one whole of clarity and peace of mind.

Finally, even people who aren't normally able to appreciate even good external conditions or good vibes are at least able to avoid unpleasant interactions in their goings about because so many other people are in a good mood that less conflicts arise (due to others diffusing potential conflict situations before they fully form). And they are more likely to also encounter smiles and kind words, even if just from a cashier when they shop. So then everyone pretty much winds up in a miniature Buddha realm for awhile.

Then external conditions shift, as they always do, and the people who depend on that have their moods plummet. Or even if the conditions hold steady for awhile, people get used to things being that way and begin to take it for granted. So the good conditions no longer lift their moods even if they aren't actually deflated by bad conditions. And the people who are yanked around by the feelings of others have a more negative collective mood around them and must selectively connect with available energies or be sucked into that. And those people who are always in an unappreciative/disconnected stance towards life find that no one is diffusing situations for them any longer because everyone is just thinking of themselves and their own needs again. So it's all pretty much back to the normal, everyday human realm.

Such is samsara.

On a more individual level, I'm glad you used the opening and lifting of energy around you to help you recenter within the joy and peace within you. I hope you will be able to stay connected with that no matter what happens in the vibe around you. It is natural to passively connect with the notes in the collective symphony that most match our dominant inner ones. I suspect that in college, as is the case for most people when they are younger, your naturally dominant inner "note" was the purity and innocence of youth, so it was easier for you to tune-in with that more frequently even if a lot of the energy around you was actually heading in a different direction.

As we get older, we identify more and more with the less spacious self-concept of the dominant culture, even if unconsciously. Our inner attunement becomes more jaded, even if our conscious thoughts don't reveal that. So it is easier for us to tune-in and amplify the negativity around us and less likely for us to find that hair thin strand of sweetness in the bee traveling from flower to flower as we walk down the street on the way to work, or that golden light of love between ugly parents and their ugly child as we were pulling out of the parking lot at the supermarket. We see the danger of the bee and the physical unattractiveness of the people, but we don't see the beauty.

Passive attunement to the wonder of life is something we could all take for granted in our youth. As we age we must replace that with wisdom. Don't deny the danger or the ugliness of life, but try not to miss the beauty.

Blessings,
Indigo

Be the Blessing

2007-06-02T15:13:00.000-10:00

I've begun sharing ocassional tea visits with my lama, now that I am living so near him. This week the subject was primarily about bodhicitta.

Bodhicitta is called the heart of enlightenment, and what it refers to is the compassionate wish to benefit all beings. This wish is not an idea, but a way of being in the world, and when fully developed it leads the person to their own Buddhahood because it is only then that they can be of maximum benefit to others. It is the most powerful urge towards enlightenment, empowering a person to fully commit themselves to practice of the teachings in daily life as well as creating discipline with respect to seated practice.

We talked about those people (Buddhist teachers especially) who talked a lot about compassion, but showed none towards the people they had daily dealings with. "They love humanity but don't give a wit about people" is how I put it. He said that I had a deeper insight than most people and that I must trust my own feelings about such people no matter what recognition or status such teachers had among others.

We also discussed my own fledgling bodhicitta. I told him of my efforts to send blessings to people I would see as I went about my day, people I saw on the street as I drove home from work who looked sad or co-workers, clerks and cashiers I interacted with during the day. He said that I must allow myself to be the blessing, not give it.

I realized when he said that that earlier that day I had seen an overweight teen standing by herself looking down at the ground for an inordinate amount of time while I waited at a stop light. I had tried to send her a blessing in my usual way, but I just couldn't get the visualization to form clearly in my mind. I kept trying but it wouldn't work and eventually the traffic light changed and I had to drive on, but then I had the thought that my intent for her happiness was the blessing. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that she was no longer looking down but up and around her, as if she had newly found the courage to be present there on the street as she waited for her bus to come. And I thought, "maybe the wish to give blessing is the blessing and no need for mental formulations of any kind beyond that simple goodwill."

So when my lama said that later the same day it carried a lot of weight with me. I already have a habit of sending blessings to people throughout the day, but now when I catch myself doing it I stop and observe my own heart and how it is opening to them. And I try to be aware of how my open heart may be affecting theirs. Similarly, I try to be aware when my heart is closed, as I mechanically interact with people, and I take responsibility in those moments for the affect I may be having then also.

If there was one blessing I would most choose to give, it would be to let my heart be so open all the time that it was like a sun always glowing, constantly giving off the blessings of joy and warmth and alighting the hearts of all it touched.

My lama says that the prayer for bodhicitta is the highest aspiration of Buddhism. Well I don't suppose I need to have the highest aspiration to be satisfied. But it is the truest for me. I have tired of all the concepts about what is. I have played with all sorts of ideas about truth, and found them quite engaging, but now I would trade all of that for a steady glow of blessing.

To Be a God or Not to Be

2007-03-21T13:30:00.000-10:00

I have recently relocated back to the mainland after 5 years in Hawaii. Some might say it was a mad decision. Occasionally I think so myself. Yet I also know that it was time to get back into the flow of life.

Within Buddhism there are said to be various realms in which beings live. There is suffering within all realms until one attains the mind of a Buddha, transcending all deluded perceptions and beliefs that lock one into the other realms.

The suffering of the God realm is unique. Life within the God realm is perfect. There is tremendous pleasure and enjoyment all the time. Suffering is experienced as the fear of eventually exhausting the good karma that gained one entry into the God realm and having to fall to a lower realm of less comfort and enjoyment.

The suffering of the human realm is said to be busy-ness and poverty (the belief in lack, however much material or other wealth there may actually be).

Well I can only say that my life definitely resembles that accusation. I definitely feel that I have left a land of milk and honey to return to a place where everyone is constantly busy and trying to get ahead financially, no matter how well they are currently doing. Actually they are trying to get ahead in all respects, trying to more fully present an image to themselves and the world around them that says, "Perfect in every way. I have a perfect life."

So my challenge here is not to fall into that. You might say then, why leave the God realm at all? Well I can't say I had run out of good karma, as certainly my transition to this place has been just as blessed as my transition to Hawaii was 5 years ago. It is more the recognition that the aspiration of my spiritual path is not to live as a God.

That may sound obvious, but for many people if they actually look at what it is they hope their spiritual practice will get them, they will see that it is unending pleasure and freedom from pain. They aspire to live as Gods, whether in a place like Hawaii or among the mere mortals where they currently reside.

Yet the life of a Buddha is not necessarily comfortable, in the way of creature comforts. Maybe there is beauty, wealth, spaciousness, the best foods, personal transportation, etc. within one's life as an awakened one, but maybe not. It is irrelevant to the Buddha. It is not the aspiration of the path to be more comfortable than one was before awakening. It is the aspiration simply to live with an unwavering awareness of the Truth.

This Truth includes the recognition of one's perfect love for all that is, one's perfect oneness with all that is, one's complete satisfaction within each and every moment with whatever is. So there is peace, and joy, and an appreciation of beauty, but only by the standards of a Buddha -- not necessarily by our everyday human standards.

So I am shaking off my false interest in awakening and embracing a sincere commitment to awakening. Not that I think I'm going to be waking up tomorrow morning in a Buddha experience, but that I am clearly making choices that support that instead of ones that support the aim of worldly joy and comforts.

I write this because I think it is worthwhile for anyone on the spiritual path to do a personal assessment of exactly what it is they practice for. What is your aspiration? Don't assume. Really think about what it is you are meditating for, or living where you live for, or reading all those books and going to all those teachings hoping to get, be, or experience.

What would you change if you saw a need for an adjustment of how you live so that it is more fully in alignment with what you choose to do with this lifetime?

More Than Meets the Eye

2006-12-26T18:47:00.000-10:00

There is more here than what meets the eye. There are more eyes seeing, more hearts beating, more beings being, than the human mind can grasp.

There is more truth hidden within even the greatest misunderstanding than what we let ourselves see. There is complete and total perfection lying quietly behind every scene of our lives. There is complete and utter peace, the most tender caress of grace, belly laughs, joyful songs, and ecstatic dances of wild abandon, swirling around just beyond the limits of eye, ear, nose, tongue, or touch.

I write this as a reminder. Let your perception relax and expand a bit. Open to an awareness of not just what is there for your senses to encounter. Let yourself be breathed by this moment, through the lungs of the trees and the clouds and the Earth and the air. Let even the rush and whiz of motor traffic sing your true name back to you.

There is more here waiting for you than what was intended for your senses. Take a moment now to unwrap the ultimate gift.

Reveal yourself in this moment. Strip off all the gauzy layers of confusion and accept what is there, just as it is there, as you. Do not confine yourself behind a cloud of foolish separation, clinging to an idea of an immortal, separate self whose interests can be promoted or hampered in any way. Give up the idea that this reality is anything other than your most trusted lover. Indeed, all of life loves you with infinite embrace, for it knows itself through you, as you.

Give up your struggle for a better moment, a better dance, a better song. You are everything that is possible within this very moment. You are the songs that have yet to even be sung and the poems that have yet to be scribed. What is missing is not your creative action, but only your willingness to surrender to a broader point of view that holds all of who you are, eternally.

Don't Believe the Hype

2006-10-08T19:05:00.000-10:00

Consider this: According to theoretical physics, matter is mostly empty space that is given the appearance of from based on dimensional oscillations of tiny "strings." The movement of these strings determines which elementary particles will manifest (electron, muon, etc.) and these particles are the building blocks of atoms, cells, and all matter in our world. Once matter is "there" the human sensory system must perceive it, using sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste. But this sensory data has no meaning to the person. It's just raw data, until the mind's cognitive training tells it what to think about the sensory input.

For example, we put a lemon in our mouths and taste buds fire, sending data to the brain. If we did not have a meaning system to say "tart" it would not be "tart" to us. It would just be sensation. Further, we may like or dislike the sensation, whether we also know it as tart or not. The habitual pattern of how our minds give meaning to sensory information that is perceived by the body is called conditioning in the West or karma in the East. Lastly, there is our consciousness that is able to be aware of this process taking place, if we bother to direct our attention towards an examination of our experience of the physical world.

I want to encourage you to do such a contemplation right now. First you must accept that the extensive volume of research over a hundred years by brilliant minds the world around are not making it up when they say that matter really can't be found if you look deeply enough. Matter is not solid at all to an electron microscope. It only looks and feels solid to a human because our sensory system isn't as sharp as an electron microscope's is. So accept that things aren't what they appear to be first of all and then we can get started in a relationship to the way things actually are.

Next, having accepted that matter is not something absolute and solid, begin to ask yourself how it is it has such concrete meaning to you. If you walk into a wall, it surely is experienced as solid. Why is that? Don't take it for granted. There are particles that are a lot smaller than you popping through walls all the time.

Then begin to consider the separation between sensation and interpretation of the meaning of that sensation. Touch your hand. Now for a moment pretend that it was someone else's hand you were touching. Try to ignore feeling it from the inside (being touched) and just feel the texture of your skin. Look at the thoughts you can have about the feeling of your skin. Then think of how many times you have touched your skin without knowing it in those ways. Has your skin changed, or have you simply given it a new meaning? That additional meaning makes your skin effectively something more within your experience of it.

Usually you are on auto-pilot in giving meaning to what you encounter in life. You've been taught what you're supposed to think about everything and do so without even needing to become conscious of most decisions. Try going through the next half hour flipping each of your thoughts on its head, and considering that the opposite might be true. For example, if you look out the window and it is cloudy the thought might arise, "this is gloomy weather." That is a reasonable thing to say given our social conditioning to prefer sunny skies over cloudy skies. But what if you turned that thought into "this is a soothing and relaxing day." Try to actually experience the presence of the cloud filled sky as something soothing and relaxing. Think of the freshness of the air if its also breezy or of the softness of the light. It truly could be perceived as a very desirable type of weather, an idea not expressed by the term "gloomy."

Realize how your automatic thinking leads you to cast the same judgments again and again, locking you into a limited amount of life satisfaction, in which the future can never really be any better than the past, since, let's face it, there are sometimes going to be sunny days and sometimes cloudy days. And yet, the preferability of sunny or cloudy skies is not a solid thing, not an absolute truth. It's just a judgment you've gotten used to making. The difference between "gloomy" and "soothing" is not contained within the weather, but rather within your mind. What does it take to give you a choice about whether the weather has to determine how much you enjoy the day?

Ultimately it all comes down to this: Given that our experience of life is determined by our made up opinions about a truly insubstantial world, why not take it all a little less seriously? DON'T BELIEVE YOUR THOUGHTS! Question what you think. Don't accept your judgments about this world at face value. Look deeper, searching for alternative ways of seeing. As I've written again and again, to be a Buddha does not mean to enter some far away world called "nirvana" or "heaven" nor does it mean to be perceived by others as a Buddha. To be a Buddha means to perceive this world as "nirvana" just as it is right now, however it is right now.

For emphasis, the doorway of the path to freedom is simply that you truly accept that your thoughts are not a reliable source of information about this world. Contemplate your experience at the most subtle level until this conviction emerges. More on this later.

Happiness

2006-09-26T09:19:00.000-10:00

Are you familiar with Abraham-Hicks writings, the movie The Secret , or any of the many other works on spiritually based manifestation methods? Even the first chapter of my book, Being Bliss, focuses on the laws of manifestation and how we can use spiritual wisdom to create the material enjoyments we believe will make us happy. Thereafter, my book focuses on other sources of happiness, but still, it does also cover materially based happiness and spiritual methods for manifesting the things we want.

Despite the reasonable desire to seek material well-being so long as we are sensorially experiencing life through a physical body, it is vitally important we understand that if we equate success in acquiring or achieving anything material with justification for happiness, we will never enjoy lasting peace.

Now many of us can hear this and instantly believe it at a theoretical level, but we'll still secretly hold the hopeful belief that acquiring certain things and situations will lead to happiness. That's why we're working at manifesting those things. We want to be happy.

Hard as it is to accept, the bottom line is, if we feel like what we have right now is not enough for us to be happy, no matter what we have or lack, we will be locked in a mentality of insufficiency and unhappiness. Additionally, if we justify our current happiness by looking at what we have materially, we are still taking refuge in something unreliable.

For example, it's fine to say "I'm grateful for a peaceful, beautiful home and health and good food," but what if there comes a time when you have none of those things? Then what do you say if you've already justified your happiness in those terms when you did have all that? So then you have to be clinging and trying to avoid loss even in good times, if you believe this is a world in which your happiness depends on having some condition or thing. Consequently, gratitude practice isn't enough to sustain peace.

The only thing one can take refuge in for lasting peace and contentment is the present moment as an experience, not an idea. Whatever you can find when you simply attend to the present moment, that's all you really have.

You may be hot, cold or just right in temperature. You may be in a quiet place or a noisy place. You may be alone or with people you either like or dislike. You may have debts or wealth. You may have a wonderful home you own on 2 acres by the sea or be staying in your family's living room. You may be healthy or in pain and fatigue. You can't control these things, though you can safely hold intentions about them. And time will either reveal those intentions come to pass by virtue of your efforts, or that they do not, regardless of your efforts. Either way, you only have this moment, whatever it contains, in which you can possibly find true reason for happiness.

The way I see it, that I have (or am) consciousness is the only reason I have to be happy. I am aware. That's the whole party. There is nothing else I get to keep. Either awareness is enough reason to be happy, or I'm shit out of luck no matter what happens.

So now, how does one shift to a belief system that says that consciousness all by itself really is enough for a person to be happy? It begins with giving up hope that any idea about happiness will ever cause happiness.

We can be amused, entertained, and enlivened by our ideas. Our ego can get a big boost of energy from the right ideas, ideas like: "I'm important, successful, and well-loved." "I'm financially secure," or even, "I'm rich." "I'm beautiful." All sounds great. Sign me up.

But even if I truly believe all these ideas, they still cannot cause actual happiness. How many successful, rich, beautiful young models do you know of who OD on drugs? I rest my case. Clearly these things do not cause happiness.

Happiness can exist in the presence of wealth or in its absence. Happiness can exist in the presence of beauty or in its absence. (Don't try to feed me any crap about "everyone is beautiful in their own way" either.) Happiness can exist in the presence or absence of even health, as challenging as that can be.

Happiness depends on our making the mental decision to drop all further decisions about whether we should or should not be happy.

When we decide that no matter what happens, we are going to joyfully embrace our experience of being alive and call that reason enough to be happy, we've made it. That's happiness, as it is found.

Keep your visions of grand homes, loving families and spectacular careers, or whatever else appeals to you. Definitely envision your health and vitality. Continually clarify those visions, gaining ever increasing understanding about what it is you want as you gain life experience that helps you make better and better choices. But do not base your happiness on the fulfillment of those visions. You may live this entire life with none of those visions ever manifesting in reality. That has to be good enough.

In order to make spiritual manifestation work something that truly blesses your life, you don't hold the hope that succeeding in making your vision real is going to give you a reason to finally be happy. You embrace happiness right now, but create the vision for the sheer joy of exercising your creative ability. It should be joyful when you are envisioning possible futures. That joy while you are envisioning is the payoff and creative force, and it happens while you are delighting in your present moment experience of being a conscious being who can imagine.

If you do this, over time many of your visions will manifest into physical form. That's just how energy works. But it doesn't work if you are grasping at it. It doesn't work if you are trying to make it work because you believe you need it to work in order to be happy. It is such a subtle difference, yet that slimmer of a divide keeps so many people from actually creating lives of joy for themselves.

You are a perfect, unlimited being who is fully abundant. You are all that exists. There is nothing apart from you and nothing you lack. Only when you allow yourself to feel the truth of this will you be satisfied.

Could the ocean ever be satisfied to live the life of a glass of water, no matter how big you made the glass? Nothing less than infinity will ever satisfy you, since you know in your heart that infinity is your true nature. So don't delay any longer. Isn't it time you rested in your true nature? Well then close your eyes and rest for a moment. This is It.

Feed The Vampires, Please

2006-09-19T10:29:00.000-10:00

I just had a startling revelation after reading a 100 page book (with about 20 pages of that illustrations) called The Ever-Transcending Spirit, by Toru Sato. I'm not into all his stuff about the evolution of consciousness (isn't one Wilber on Earth enough spiritual materialism), but I found invaluable information about dealing with energy vampires.

Basically you just let the people drink. The only thing wrong with people taking your energy is when it depletes your energy. If you aren't depleted, there is nothing wrong with it. The way not to be depleted is not by withdrawing, isolating, putting up walls or trying to steal energy back, but by recognizing that all energy anywhere is your energy. You are connected to such an unlimited supply of energy you can't possibly be depleted so long as you remain open and receptive to that infinite supply.

I even got to try it out when I was half way through reading the book. I went to the store and ran into someone who went off on a rant (which was meant to be helpful at his conscious level, but was definitely an energy raid at an unconscious level) and I allowed myself to tap into the energy around me instead of just relying on that contained within my body and energy field. Quickly I realized that the most energy around me was in him, because he was all worked up about what he was trying to convince me of, and so I let myself join with his energy.

This isn't the same as stealing it back because actually we both wound up getting really energized by the experience, as well as having a really intimate interaction. . I wasn't connecting with the energy of his separate energybody, but tapping into the infinite source within him which he was not feeling. His inability to feel his own endless supply of energy was the reason he was trying to steal my energy, and I simply allowed myself to be an energy channel for him, connecting him to a deeper experience of himself.

He could feel I was deeply listening to him, and indeed really "feeling" what he was saying with complete openness. He was visibly moved by the experience and I was bouncing on air and giggling I was so full of energy as he spoke. Once I felt I'd had enough of the interaction, after about 10 minutes, I began thanking him for sharing his insights with me. Once he felt his offering was duly appreciated we changed the subject and parted after a few more minutes with the deepest sense of connection I have ever shared with this person, who I have known for 4 years without ever feeling we were on the same wavelength.

According to Sato, people take our energy in a wide variety of ways, among them: endless talk-talk-talking, usually about themselves and their life's dramas; asking for help then disagreeing with all advice offered; painting themselves as a victim to invoke pity; passive aggressively inciting strong emotional responses with no concern about the ideas being shared and the sole intent of triggering the other person; criticism; pressuring someone to change their actions or beliefs to come into alignment with one's own; long meetings in which the power holder keeps everyone's attention focused on pleasing them; and expecting others to meet one's needs with no intent of reciprocally meeting the needs of the other person.

In any of these situations we always have a choice to resist the power grab, allow the power grab, or shape the situation into a power sharing one. When we resist we argue, ignore the person, energetically close ourselves off from them (which, over time, is exhausting) or get away from them (perhaps even isolating ourselves). When we allow we may feel drained, irritable, and resentful afterward, but we avoid our fears of confrontation or offending others and are able to continue in relationship, at least until we are too depleted to do so any longer. (When you are really depleted even vampires will tend to avoid you anyway, unconsciously fearing you will try to steal energy from them!)

When we shape the situation into something new using our own responses, not requiring anything different out of the other person, is when a win-win situation that is sustainable for any amount of time occurs. When we localize our sense of self to our limited body and energy field we have a limited supply, so must protect that supply or face depletion. But if we allow our self-awareness to be broad enough to take in the whole of our environment we find ourselves energy billionaires who can afford any amount of generosity required by the situation. After all, we aren't giving energy away, we're just allowing it to flow freely within us, as is the nature of energy.

I swear this is not just theory. I actually did this and if you give it a try I think you can do it too. It's best to start with someone who doesn't actually hate you. If the energy stealing is a direct act of violence that's a different situation. But most energy theft is not with ill-intent behind it. People don't even realize consciously that they are doing it. They see themselves as energy starved and so naturally reach out to sustain themselves using anyone around, like a person who can't swim trying to save himself from drowning by grabbing onto whoever is within arm's reach. If you let them pull you down with them they will, until they can grab onto the next person. But if you lift them up and let the ocean float you both, you both win. Whenever you tap into the energy all around you, including within them as they engage intensively in whatever behavior they are using to suck at your energy, you are effectively surrendering to the greater power of the mighty ocean which will indeed carry you both to both safety and freedom.

Overcoming one of existentialism's 4 primary "inescapable sufferings" of life, it turns out you don't actually have to choose between security and freedom, not if you can learn to be an infinite energy being instead of a separate, limited physical being. Build no walls around you. Dance freely in the light, breathing deep, and giving yourself fully to life with complete abandon. You will be sustained by all that is.

(As an aside, let me state that not all of these ideas are in Sato's book, but that his book contributed a crucial understanding that helped me apply other ideas I've been working with. For example, Sato doesn't make mention of how one is to connect with more energy by being open when someone is aggressively trying to take one's energy. He just assumes you will naturally do the additional steps that are needed to make this work, probably because he has already developed unconscious mastery of doing those things himself.

He also doesn't make mention of the fact that all energy is just energy, so we don't have to be afraid of allowing ourselves to connect with a person's energy when they are agitated. If they are trying to attack you, that's a little different, as you'd have to be nearly a buddha not to be affected negatively in such a situation, but again, most energy raids are not meant as attacks. Still the person might be very agitated within themselves and only by connecting with the energy of their true being and not writing a mental story that labels their energy expression as dangerous is it possible to make Sato's approach work.

It's as if the person is cut off from their own connection to the endless source of energy and you offer your energy body as a "reconnector." You channel their own energy back to them, so they fill up without taking anything from you.)

The Free Flow of Energy

2006-09-13T14:20:00.000-10:00

Here is an excerpt from a reply I sent to someone's message that I think is a good overview of what I have found in recent experiments with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique):

"The EFT work wound up affecting me similarly, only regarding emotion. I see now that the EFT isn't really so effective because it moves energy along the meridians. It's more that the distraction of the tapping and the idea that energy is being safely moved to foster emotional health allows the person to be willing to "sit with" their emotions for the full ride. It is allowing the emotions to be and to naturally express themselves that is healing and the tapping is just a distraction, which I no longer require. I simply recognize that all emotion is merely energy and that energy is just energy. There isn't good energy and bad energy.

I feed on energy, as an energy being, so I can feed on anger, sadness, shame, etc. just as well as I can feed on joy -- and now I do. I suck up the energy of my emotions now and have discovered they are all bliss in their true nature once I get past my thoughts about them. Even disgust turns into bliss if you sit with it with gratitude and allow yourself to savor the disgusting quality of it as just pure energy."

I have been doing this "devouring" of not only my emotions, but also my thoughts lately. On separate occasions, I have even converted the energy of a cold virus and a headache back into energy and "devoured" that.

Here I use the metaphor of eating the energy, where at other times you will hear me phrase it in terms of liberating the energy. It just depends on one's point of view. When I am identifying myself as a separate energy being I speak of devouring, taking the energy back into my localized physical self. When I am identifying myself as the infinite unity of all things, my true nature, I speak of liberating the energy so that it once more becomes a free flowing part of that greater ocean. Either way, after being converted back into raw energy it has no separate form and therefore effectively no longer exists as the problematic form it once was.

I am working on ways of teaching this to others to do within themselves and of learning myself to do it within the bodies of other people. I am also using it as a part of my spiritual practice (enlightenment being about the dissolution of the separate self identity and the freedom from a dualistic self-object that comes with that). I will write more about that subsequently.

If you'd like to do some of the work with me, check out my healing work website at www.clearlightnature.com and follow the links to the True Self Attunement. I have begun teaching an adapted form of this method to clients as part of that session, though it isn't the primary focus of the session.

Here is a poem I wrote yesterday that I think does a good job in conveying what I am doing:

Breathing in,
I devour it.
Savoring each breath,
Form returns to emptiness,
Emptiness reveals itself as ecstasy.

I saught you,
Forgetting that I am you.
We are emptiness embracing,
Laughing,
Like water running over rocks,
Children spinning in the sun.

Each thought -
I consume its raw energy.
It is no longer an object
For my love or hate.
There is only one decision left.
Yummm!

Each feeling -
I digest it fully.
No longer running from sorrow,
Disgust, shame, or aggression.
I savor their raw energy
And proclaim the final judgment.
Yummm!

Then suddenly all my feasting ends.
There is nothing left to consume.
I reach for something, but then abondon the pursuit,
Realizing at last
That I have been devouring
Myself.
Aha!

-- Indigo Ocean

Amazing Mindware

2006-06-28T16:20:00.000-10:00

Have you ever tried your hand at meditation, only to give up in frustration? How about wanting to boost your immune system, calm your emotions, and generally help your body fight stress? What if you could gain all those benefits just by playing a computer game?

Well now you can. Take The Journey to Wild Divine and watch your stress levels decrease as your skill in playing the game increases. The game includes a biofeedback device so that it can accurately measure when you are breathing calmly and other measures of successful self-regulation. As you improve at mastering your mind-body connection you also proceed up through levels in the game -- opening magic doors, discovering lost treasures, and meeting all kinds of fascinating guides and mentors along the way.

I can't think of a more fun way to learn how to meditate. I think every household should have one. Great for the teens, as meditation has been shown to help them get their grades up, and great for adults who are dealing with all kinds of stresses and are in danger of physical ailments if that stress isn't being effectively reduced. You can take a look and demo it at the following link:

Demo the Journey to Wild Divine

The Perfection of Your Present Situation

2006-06-09T22:27:00.000-10:00

The following is an adaptation of a post I recently made on a message board in response to a woman's complaint about the challenges motherhood is presenting to her spiritual practice. I repost it here because I think it applies equally to whatever excuse we are clinging to for why we are not doing the very actions that are most likely to help us awaken. The ego doesn't want to awaken; it just wants to pretend it wants to while cloaking itself in excuses for why the conditions of one's life make freedom from its tyranny impossible.

Ego says, "Sure I want you to wake up. I like the idea of enlightenment. As soon as I can make every speck of external reality perfect you won't need me anymore and you can become enlightened then. Let's work very hard at this enlightenment business. I'm sure I can come up with a very effective strategy for you."

I suggest you take the point of view that your current situation is exactly what you most need to support your practice. If you have to be active every waking moment with home and family care tasks, meditate mindfully as you engage in the activity needed to support your family. View the path within your situation to be the blessing, not the compromise or sacrifice.

Think of how many more hours of meditation you can get in like this than someone who merely sits for meditation practice 40-60 minutes a day (the norm). You will literally be getting hours of meditation practice each day, if you are willing to embrace the situation as an opportunity to meditate rather than clinging to the idea that it is an obstacle to your meditation. Think of how much inner discipline it would take to get you to actually sit for meditation and lose yourself completely in the experience for 14 hours a day. Yet as a mother with young children you have plenty of drive to engage in selfless activity for so many hours. All you have to do is use the situation as a meditation practice instead of fighting it.

In vajrayana, enlightenment is about developing the view of the Buddha, recognizing that nirvana was always there within all the situations of samsara (all of them), not about changing anything outside onself so that it becomes nirvana. So in daily practice one doesn't strive to rearrange the chairs on samsara's Titantic. Instead we just want off that damn boat altogether, and we achieve this by realizing that the boat never truly existed, so it can't truly sink.

Liberation comes just that quickly, when there is insight, conviction, and stability in the view. No external situation can stop you from realizing that external situations are inherently empty. Only your conceptual beliefs (your opinions) about those situations can stop you if you are unwilling to see that the beliefs themselves are equally insubstantial.

Update

2006-05-18T09:14:00.001-10:00

I am taking a break from a few activities these days while I refocus my energy on fewer projects. The radio show is going on hiatus for at least a couple of months. I just made an arrangement with Sounds True to bring a number of their artists/authors on the show, and will be reviewing materials from them in the coming weeks to form a line up. Hay House has made the same offer, though I haven't been in the mood to read so I haven't taken them up on it yet. So I will be working on the show a little, though not broadcasting for awhile. When I do return I will probably be on a different station and at a different day and time.

I am focusing most of my energy on Phone Buddies and hosting the weekly meditation group for Tulku Thubten Rinpoche. I have withdrawn from organizing weekend retreats for other lamas, including the upcoming visit of Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, which I had previously agreed to help a newbie put together, and have also suspended by ClearLight Nature spiritual healing services, other than providing donated sessions at the local AIDS services organization when they have someone requesting a session.

I am also prioritizing my meditation practice, now sitting for 2-3 times each day and spending another 30-60 minutes in contemplation of teachings. Sometimes less is more in that by eliminating certain activities it gives me more time and energy for the ones that are most important to me.

I have another dozen websites I'm not even mentioning here that I am also letting do their own thing without any further input from me. Same goes for promoting the book. They succeed, they don't succeed, whatever. At last I have woken up feeling rested.

Phone Buddies Support Community

2006-04-16T15:21:00.000-10:00

Introducing, the one, the only... Okay enough hype, but I really am incredibly excited about this new offering from my company. I just became the community manager of the Phone Buddies Emotional Support Community.

It's an internet based peer counseling community in which women trade emotional support sessions with each other. That way each gets to be counseled but neither has to pay $150 per hour for it. Instead their sessions are FREE!

Of course, it isn't psychotherapy, but isn't everyday chatting either. The members learn 6 types of peer counseling so it has a lot more structure and "meat" than just a chat community. I'm a participating member too and I offer Emotional Clearing and Compassionate Listening.

There are a lot more little details (like no last names used, etc.) but this is the gist of it. If you are someone who likes helping others grow and thrive and you'd like to get more support in your life too, it might be just the thing for you. Check out the site at http://www.phone-buddies.com

And tell other women about it. The more Phone Buddies there are the more we each get to choose among when we want a session.

The Enneagram, James Twyman & Byron Katie

2006-03-24T10:39:00.000-10:00

The realization is dawning on me that hosting the "Together in Spirit" radio show is as much about the all pervasive guru teaching me as it is about presenting the wisdom of my amazing guests to the listening audience. Each week I seem to come away with something that changes the way I approach my practice or that gives me new insight into what I am already doing.

The recent sequence of shows has been especially instructive. One week I spoke with James Twyman and came away with renewed clarity that it is only the switch from ego-perception to divine-perception that can ever free us from our habitual creation of a world that seems filled with suffering. Trying to train the ego to create an experience of heaven on earth is like trying to train a tree to fly.

The next week I had two Enneagram experts come on and they affirmed that the ego creates what they call stories, and that I also think of as filters, to interpret the world it sees and that it is these filters that distort our understanding of reality and cause us to live some distance from our true selves. (Different people have different habitual filters, which the enneagram describes classified into 9 personality types.) Once again, it is the ego causing us to experience samsara instead of nirvana, not any quality in our external situation, and its key role is distorting perception so that we perceive and interpret according to its beliefs instead of having a direct experience of reality and getting to learn from that.

Now, as I prepare for the appearance of Byron Katie on the show this coming Tuesday, this understanding gathers still more power over my perception. Each time I have a guest coming on I spend a considerable amount of time familiarizing myself with their work. I have been reading both of Katie's books and have listened to recordings of her workshops, as well as trying the process called "The Work" on myself. I not only had some valuable and freeing realizations as a result of this, I also have experienced a shift in my perception.

I could go back through experiences with guests from previous weeks also. I have learned from each of them. I highlight these last three simply because it is now that I feel the full momentum of this process shifting my actual state of daily perception. I have long been exposed to the ideas I relate above, but for the last couple of days I have truly felt an identity of "true self" as myself, while witnessing the filter of ego as it functions without any aggression towards it, but also without being taken in by its stories.

I also have lived within this experiential reality before, but this is the first time it feels integrated within the development of a deeper state of understanding. All other times it seemed more like a gift of grace -- one that suddenly descended upon me without any rhyme or reason and that left, whether after a day, a week or a month, with just as much mystery.

Doing this show, which I first embarked upon as a way of gifting others, has become a huge blessing in my life. Of course, that should be expected. What we give to others is what we gift to ourselves. Just nice to have it confirmed once again -- and nice to share it as a reminder to you as well.

I just hope the show's sponsor is equally pleased with how things are going. This season ends on May 9 with my interview of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, head of the Shambhala buddhist lineage and publisher of the Shambhala Sun magazine. I'm not sure where things will be headed by then.

Giving the Self Away

2006-03-09T19:16:00.000-10:00

My interview with Tulku Thubten Rinpoche a few days ago has settled into my consciousness as a newfound resolve to spend some time each day intentionally moving through the world with a mind focused primarily towards fulfilling the needs of others.

I tend to naturally be a pretty generous person, but I realized that that is only relative. Relative to the outrageous levels of selfishness that characterize our society, I'm pretty generous and thoughtful. However, relative to Tulku Thubten Rinpoche, I've got a lot of room for improvement.

As Rinpoche said on the show, the true measure of genuine spiritual accomplishment is guaged by loving-kindness. And I am not just playing at a game called "spiritual practice." My aim is to truly achieve awakening within this lifetime so that I may offer the greatest help to beings that is possible with this lifetime.

What I love about Tulku Thubten Rinpoche, and other great teachers who embody both high intelligence/ scholarly knowledge and loving-kindness is that they provide an example of what is possible. It is so easy to rest on one's laurels after just a little spiritual accomplishment if we do not have those models for what is possible.

Another wonderful benefit of spending a few hours a day intentionally prowling the world with an eye out for what might benefit others and a willingness to fulfill those needs as best one can, is that it provides a powerful tool for self-transcendence. While you are thinking of them, you aren't mulling over yourself at that moment. What a needed break, huh?

One of the things I love so much about interviewing people of significant spiritual accomplishment is that it allows me to not only be a student of these great "world-lovers" but that is also allows me to model spiritual study, contemplation and application for others. I realize one thing I have always been exceptionally good at is learning, really taking in and applying knowledge, and that not everyone knows how to do that. So if I can help someone develop that skill, wow, what a great joy that would be.

I hope you've been listening to the shows, and that you have been receiving some benefit. Next week, James Twyman. Looking forward to it.

Upcoming Shows

2006-02-26T12:58:00.000-10:00

Things are going great with the radio show. Here is a list of upcoming guests:

2/28 - Guy Finley
3/7 - Tulku Thubten Rinpoche
3/14 - James Twyman
3/21 - Jean Houston (tentative date)
3/28 - Byron Katie
4/25 - A.H. Almaas
5/9 - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

You can listen to the show Tuesdays at 2:00 pm Pacific Standard Time at www.Voice.VoiceAmerica.com or by launching the show's metaphor player at "Together in Spirit" where the show's downloadable archives are also kept beginning a couple days after any show (in case you miss the live show).

First Show Broadcast

2006-02-14T17:01:00.000-10:00

I am happy to have broadcast the first episode of my weekly talk show "Together in Spirit." Thanks to everyone who sent me such sweet feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed the show. I greatly enjoyed it myself. Marc David is a great guest.

I heard from some people that I was talking too softly during the first segment. The engineer let me know at the first break, so I spoke up after that. It's so quiet where I am that it isn't obvious to me that I'm speaking quietly until the guest comes on and I can hear the volume of their voice.

Soon the show will be available in the station's archives and I will edit this post to include a link to the mp3 download page. You can also download an auto-player for the show (no navigation required to listen to the show live when it's on or find its archives after the broadcast) by going to the following link:

Download "Together in Spirit" modaview player

It is a fairly small file and takes just 2 minutes to download and setup on your desktop as an icon that takes you right to the show (so long as you have an internet connection open).

Thanks again for everyone's support and kind words of appreciation for my work. I hope the show is going to really be a useful healing and growth tool for many people. Scheduled upcoming guests include Byron Katie, Jean Houston, A.H. Almaas and other notable leaders in the self-actualization field. I hope you can tune in each Tuesday at 2:00 pm PST.

On another note, I'm also glad I made it through the show without sneezing or losing track of the conversation. I came down with what feels like a head cold last night and got only 4 non-consecutive hours of sleep.

I think I'm detoxing. I started using a Beck Pulser blood purifier yesterday and one of the things they say is that as it kills off bacteria, viruses, mold, etc. it can cause a detox effect similar to having a cold, as the body tries to deal with all the dead material it has to process out all the sudden. My acquisition of the pulser completes two-thirds of my new wellness plan. I take the Natural Cellular Defense to get rid of man-made toxins. Use the pulser to kill the natural pathogens. And will soon be getting a bio-photonic machine to raise the voltage of my cells and enhance the strength of my overall immune system. Despite my head cold and lack of sleep last night, I actually am feeling amazingly good these days. Taking care of my health has suddenly become quite a lot of fun.

Together in Spirit Launches

2006-01-30T19:44:00.000-10:00

Check it out!

Natural Cellular Defense - Detox

2006-01-13T19:34:00.000-10:00

I've newly become interested in new health technologies coming on the market. A year ago I heard about the V.I.B.E. Machine for the first time and today I finally had a session. Whoa! Powerful. There is no doubt something is happening. I felt as if waves of energy were washing through me and then I started laughing for no reason. It just felt really good, but not as pleasure, just as unconditional joy.

In pursuit of more information about the VIBE, I also learned of a product that you take orally to create a similar effect by removing toxins from the body. It is called Natural Cellular Defense and is patented as a zeolite that traps heavy metals within its chemical structure then carries them out of the body. I am on my final day of the 10 day intensive detox routine and will now be taking about a third of the dosage of these past 10 days.

The Natural Cellular Defense also had me sometimes giggling just from feeling good, though in this case it was more of a physically based feeling of joy. There was a sense of lightness that, again, just felt good, so it made me giggle.

Not that the path to enlightenment is marked out in giggles. It's just that it shows that something is definitely shifting and releasing to allow natural joy to emerge.

I will continue exploring this new avenue and sharing what I find with you. While my experiences as a healthy person trying out the supplement are probably just interesting, here are dozens of Testimonials from people with some serious illnesses who give detailed reports of their amazing experiences with the supplement.

The Prize or the Gift

2005-12-23T11:21:00.000-10:00

Here's wishing you a lifetime of unconditional joy. Unwrap your gift right now.

Xmas Gift

Recognizing the Creator

2005-12-07T14:37:00.000-10:00

Enjoy this 2 minute reminder of your true level of influence.

Recognizing the Creator

Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T12:22:00.000-10:00

This is my first audioblog entry. Give a listen, and Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Thanksgiving Audio Blog