The Goodness Blog 

We cannot move away - only towards

I am not too sure if you pay attention to people's conversations or not. Talking about what we want in life, I hear these often:

I wish I weren't poor;
My parents will never understand me;
I don't want to be fat;
I don't want to get married as most marriages fail;
I wish I didn't have to work for a living;
I do not believe in love any more as it hurts too much;
I can never afford to fly first-class
...

Have you noticed one thing in common in these kind of talk? I have. Which is, they all focus on the "don'ts". In other words, they focus on the negative sides, not the positive sides. Have you wondered why people talk in this way? I think it's because it feels safer to focus on the "don'ts" rather than the "dos" and "don'ts" give us enough execuses for the bad things that happen to us.

It seems a natural tendency that we would rather move away, than move towards. It's natural to want to hold onto what we feel comfortable with; yet it's also natural that most people get nowhere near what they want in life under this 'move away' approach. In order to achieve our goals, the only way is to move towards them. Moving away solves no problem and offers no consolation. Ponder these:

If we distance our parents because we don't think they understand us, we are not getting any closer to what we want - understanding parents;

If we move away from the risks of investments, our money won't grow;

If we move away from relationships or marriage, we are not gaining love, companionship and wholeness;

If we don't want to be fat, we are not becoming slim;

If we don't want to be poor, we are not becoming rich;
...

Have you noticed that the 'move away' approach is a weakening and debilitating? It breeds unacceptance, avoidance, withdrawal, non-action and day-dreaming. On the other hand, the 'move towards' approach is goal-oriented, action-based and reward-led approach. It gives perspective to what we want, and open up all sorts of possibilities and avenues. It transforms our thoughts into motion. The thought "I wish I weren't poor" gives us no power; but if we picture in our minds of the house we want, the holidays we desire and the sort of income we need to sustain such a lifestyle, think rich, act rich, work rich, talk like a rich person, read rich people's stories, read materials on being rich, make adjustments in our lives and make a bargain with life about what we are willing to give in exchange of what we expect to get...we'll be closer and closer to becoming rich as all the possibilities and opportunities come up.

It is the same with relationships. If we focus on "marriage doesn't work," we will unconsciously pick up and collect all the stories from magazines, movies, friends and colleagues on unhappy marriages to support our thought style. The divorcing rate, the affairs, news on family violence and family discord will catch our attention, yet the happy couples we see or hear wouldn't register in our minds as they don't support our belief system. When our thought-pattern is like this, it is difficult to have a happy relationship.

If you want to live a happy and fulfilled life, you must understand that: you can't move away; you can only move towards. For example, you can't move away from road accident, you can only move towards safe driving. You can't move away from being poor, you can only move towards being rich. You can't move away from being fat, you can only move towards being slim. You can't move away from being unhappy, you can only move towards being happy...Move towards, everything will have a resolve.