Thursday, December 01, 2005

our good hearts

the winter 2005 issue of buddhadharma contains a discussion between pema chodron and jack kornfield that has some very interesting points relating to goodness. so naturally i thought they would make an apt post for this blog. pema chodron points out that buddhists believe "that every living being has basic goodness, and we can communicate with each other from that place..." she goes on to say that "the goal must be to talk to one another from the point of view of each other's good heart."

this is probably one of the most important things i can put into practice. i have a very strong habit energy of assuming the worst about people. but in spite of this, i have faith that at the core of every person is a basic goodness. i have been in tense situations that have been turned around by this recognition---by communicating with what trungpa rinpoche calls the "soft spot."

this past thanksgiving was one of those times. one of the younger cousins, a nine-year-old girl named b. frequently exhibits behavior that can only be described as surly. it didn't help that on that day she used a disrespectful tone with me, and formed a "club" that excluded my daughter. so there i was with my habit energies saying to myself that b. is an unkind little girl. but then later that day i found myself alone with her. my in-laws were fostering some puppies and b. was playing with them. she and i were chatting and i began to see the soft spot. a really sweet, soft spot. it was a warm and beautiful interaction helped by our animal friends.

i thought that is the place i need to focus on when i communicate with her in the future. i don't know why she behaves as she does because i only see her a few times a year, but from now on in my dealings with her i'm going right for the soft spot. i think people sense when you are doing this and really respond to it. it's amazing what can happen.
Posted by Beth at 5:12 PM   

Comments:

Interesting entry.

Sometimes that 'soft spot' is hard to see in some people.

My sister, for instance, is an amazing being...but being 15 and in a not so good space, she contantly yells at our parents.

It's sad.
# posted by hemlock : Fri Dec 02, 06:23:00 AM HST
 
I also have found certain people to be rather challenging to my ability to see their true selves under all the !%$@& they've developed on top. I know it is there in all of us, how could it not be, but being able to see and relate to it within someone who doesn't see it within themselves, well now that's the test of our spiritual accomplishment.

I also think that being a Buddha isn't about how we relate to people who are being easily lovable. The Buddha is a Buddha because she actually sees everyone as lovable, even those the rest of us would call "hard to love." We don't have to agree with the decisions others make in order to love them. That is the idea I have to keep reminding myself of. I am learning to separate discrimination from judgment. Discrimination about what we will or will not do or contribute to is a responsibility. But judgment is a part of building up our ego identity as "the virtuous one" or "the smart one" or "the martyr" or whatever.

So my path of awakening is a path of learning how to see without the confines of all my identities that require me to relate to others by their personality traits in order to define myself as whoever I'm supposed to be. Looking for the soft spot is something useful to remember in trying to do that. I would phrase it, look beyond the false, do not be deceived. You will find the truth.
# posted by Indigo : Fri Dec 02, 10:26:00 AM HST
 

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