The Goodness Blog 

the transformative power of simple presence

time and again in my life i am shown how simply being present for another human being can have a transformative effect. it sounds so simple--- too simple: just be there. but it works! the discipline is in being mindful of your level of presence. because it is all to easy to slip into the human habit of checking out when the unpleasant moments arise.

i have been having a difficult time with my three-year-old daughter lately. i've been told that her spurts of rebellious and tempestuous behavior are normal for her age. but my older daughter experienced this stage much differently, so this is new to me.

i initially reacted with the unconscious behavior of ever so subtly withdrawing my emotional presence. my husband, who is better at handling these situations, picked up the slack. i was still a good mom. my daughter is completely loved and taken care of. but i wasn't one-hundred percent emotionally present. because that is a difficult thing to do when my child is having a kicking and screaming fit and telling me that she "doesn't want me anymore" for the tenth time in a day.

needless to say, my withdrawl made the situation worse. so, once i became aware of this (thanks, mindfulness practice) i made a commitment to plug back in. to bring every part of myself into the moment with her, whatever that moment held. of course, this does not mean that i excuse bad behavior. her actions still have consequences. but i am there.

and i have to say, things are getting better. we are more connected. negative energy is turning into positive energy. my daughter and i are both happier. out of the blue yesterday she said "ya know somethin mom? i love you." i just melted. so i will never underestimate the power that simple, total presence can have to transform a situation.