The Goodness Blog 

Contentment as it is

A few days ago I had a small birthday gathering with a few very close friends. After an amazing organic, vegetarian, pot-luck dinner we turned down the lights, lit the candles and shared some meditation time.

We did formal shamatha meditation and then contemplated where we each are at in our lives right now and our hopes for next steps. We then shared what we came up with with one another with an understanding that we were speaking to express, not to communicate. Each person listened as a witness, not as someone in search of understanding. There was no element of evaluation of what was said, just the attention to listening from the heart.

Finally we closed with a second round of meditation and sharing, this time reflecting on what is perfect in life just as it is. Interestingly, several people had real difficulties with this step and were grateful for the opportunity to discover that about themselves. One said she could not find anything about herself she could consider as not needing any improvement. The other said he could not see that about himself and had a hard time seeing that about anything in the world either.

We discussed this blockage and came away with a deeper understanding of how important it is to work with the issue of satisfaction. Many people find it hard to ever be satisfied with anything, whether in themselves or in the world. Yet we are powerful creators. We are each scripting this story for ourselves, and if we are to create it as something we will experience as contentment, we must find it within ourselves to perceive perfection within what is, no longer searching for the ever elusive "what could or should be."

Allow contentment to find you and fill you. Breathe in. Breathe out. Rest in perfect gratitude and peace. If not now, when? If not here, where? What is truly missing in this innocent new moment?

the transformative power of simple presence

time and again in my life i am shown how simply being present for another human being can have a transformative effect. it sounds so simple--- too simple: just be there. but it works! the discipline is in being mindful of your level of presence. because it is all to easy to slip into the human habit of checking out when the unpleasant moments arise.

i have been having a difficult time with my three-year-old daughter lately. i've been told that her spurts of rebellious and tempestuous behavior are normal for her age. but my older daughter experienced this stage much differently, so this is new to me.

i initially reacted with the unconscious behavior of ever so subtly withdrawing my emotional presence. my husband, who is better at handling these situations, picked up the slack. i was still a good mom. my daughter is completely loved and taken care of. but i wasn't one-hundred percent emotionally present. because that is a difficult thing to do when my child is having a kicking and screaming fit and telling me that she "doesn't want me anymore" for the tenth time in a day.

needless to say, my withdrawl made the situation worse. so, once i became aware of this (thanks, mindfulness practice) i made a commitment to plug back in. to bring every part of myself into the moment with her, whatever that moment held. of course, this does not mean that i excuse bad behavior. her actions still have consequences. but i am there.

and i have to say, things are getting better. we are more connected. negative energy is turning into positive energy. my daughter and i are both happier. out of the blue yesterday she said "ya know somethin mom? i love you." i just melted. so i will never underestimate the power that simple, total presence can have to transform a situation.

Each Moment's Resolution

The new year has come in and with it will come many new resolutions for the year. People will promise themselves to lose weight, watch less TV, talk to their kids more, spend more time out in nature and a host of other good intentions. By May many will already be giving up on their vows and looking towards 2007 for another shot at it.

Why not make every moment an opportunity to renew your commitment to doing what you think is in your best interest? Resolve in each moment to express your love for yourself through behaviors that increase your longterm happiness, health, wealth and peace of mind.

If you are watching something on television and you notice that you aren't feeling good, turn it off. Why do you need to see how it ends? You know the bottom line to the story; the bottom line is, it's a story that doesn't make you feel good. What else do you need to know if you are someone who believes he/she deserves to feel good all the time?

And you do. Please make this resolve right now. Vow that you will do what it takes so that you feel good in your life. I don't mean pleasure. I mean wellness and satisfaction. Often short-term pleasures, like the excitement and rush of frightening or violent entertainment, actually undermine overall happiness. They upset your nervous system and train your mind to expect negative experiences, among other drawbacks.

I hope this year truly does bring you increased health, wealth, and happiness, but only you can resolve that it will and stick to that resolve, moment by moment.