A Tonglen Life

I became aware during Tonglen today that the point of my life has always been to be a blessing with the living of this life. To me, apart from that, there is just the act of survival, and we all know how successfully that ends. Everybody dies. The only way to do it well, is to leave a trail of benefit in one's wake.

It seems common when people speak of recognizing this that they couch it in apologies for past selfishness or cluelessness. I can't do that. I have been living a life of service since I was 15 and started my first public service venture, a countywide high school youth council that among its many projects in that first year organized and put on a two week summer crafts camp for elementary school children. I am not writing to describe the turning of a page of awareness, but to reinforce a message that is already within everyone reading this.

I am writing to say, do it bigger, more frequently, and without any doubt that it is in fact the point. Life is that simple and direct, no matter how pervasive the false teachings of "masters of the universe" mentalities that control our media and seek to define our culture.

There is awakening, the path of letting go of our false beliefs about reality, particularly our false sense of a separate self. And then there is also navigating relative reality, which we were not born into by accident. As well as the awareness of ultimate reality, there is making something out of this experience of the relative. As far as I can see, the only thing worth making out of it is the alleviation of suffering around us and the spread of joy, love, and support in more and more creative and effective ways.

Phone Buddies came out of such a desire, as have many other projects I've been involved in over the years. What is your offering to our collective experience to be these days? What would you like to gift us? If you have tried already to bring your heart gifts out into the world, you already know that working to help others is still hard work. The world does not pave a path of gold for you just because you want to do something good. There will be many people who will be threatened by your desire to make a positive difference. Some will be jealous and not want to see you succeed. Others will not let you help them, they will reject your help because they don't want it to come from you.

This is a very frequent experience of people of color who seek to help people of all races, including the dominant racial group of whites, often because the intended beneficiaries hold a self-perception of superiority that does not happily accept assistance from "inferiors." In my twenties it was hard for me to learn this lesson, both in terms of being difficult to comprehend and also painful to accept. Yet I kept on working to give benefit wherever I could regardless of race or racism, because it is who I am, and I could not snuff out that inner drive however difficult the journey.

I am writing to encourage all of you who have ever thought you wanted to do something with this life more than survival, beyond even creating additional lives (children) and seeing them grow. There is something more than service to self or to immediate family. There is service to the community of life itself. And in the end I truly believe that is all relative reality ever adds up to over time. The rest is timeless and unconditional. We are meant to have both joys, which is why we were created with both aspects of reality such integral parts of who we are.

If you are still looking for your "calling" or your next "service idea," I would suggest adding tonglen to your daily routine. Breathing in, visualize your Buddha nature drawing all the suffering and inner conflict out of everyone on Earth. Breathing out, visualize your Buddha nature fanning the flames of the inner fire of Truth and Love within the heart-minds of all beings. After however many cycles of breath you have time to devote right then, rest in the glow of a world of happiness, health, wealth and wholeness. Do this at least once each day, and as much as once each hour, depending on how quickly you want to birth the vision into reality. I would say "good luck," but that's not what you need. Just do it.

Singing for Your Freedom

"You are forever pure.
You are forever true
and the dream of this world
can never touch you.
So give up your attachment
and give up your confusion
and fly to that space that's beyond
all illusion."

~ Shimshai from the song "Suddhosi Buddhosi" off the album "Live on Maui"

I love the sound of silence so much that sometimes I forget how transformative a blessing music can be. Of course, it can always be entertainment, and such distractions can be fun, but when I'm not looking for distraction, when instead I'm looking to deepen my intimacy with the present moment, I generally surround myself with silence. And then there comes a day where I brew the very best oolong tea I have been able to find, open up the French doors to the garden, and turn up the volume on my favorite acoustic musicians.

Today I immersed myself in Shimshai, and what a soul opening choice it was. As I listened to his music today, I found my heart opening with a keen awareness of one aspect of the suffering in this world. Recently I have been troubled by the rise in gang violence, and particularly in the growing tension between the races and an increase in gang related race wars. As I sat listening to the music, I felt a deep connection to the false beliefs that were controlling the minds and eclipsing the hearts of all those young people, causing them to live in rage, hatred and fear -- some as victims and some as victimizers, but all as suffering souls. The more I felt the pain of their delusion, the more my heart opened and I began to cry for them. Every inch of my heart cried out for their release, as I prayed that the light of the Truth of their perfection, and indeed the perfection of their imagined enemies, might pierce the darkness and reveal itself to them.

Earlier today I began my morning meditation the way I always do, with the Buddhist Four Immeasurables prayer:

"May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May they be free from suffering and the cause of suffering.
May they never part from the happiness that is beyond suffering.
May they dwell in equanimity, without attachment or aversion."

I have long known that the one cause of suffering this prayer points to is the suffering caused by the delusion that we ARE these limited, separate, physical devices that we use to move through this physical realm. This false belief is the only true source of suffering that exists. Once we know that we are infinite beings having a localized experience, everything falls into perspective. Group identity is just an idea. Pride, respect, power -- all just ideas, none of which hold the power to cause or prevent our inner peace and outward demonstration of love. But in the presence of false identification with the illusion of these separate bodies and their separate life stories that we call "me," well then no happiness can possibly be a lasting one, for it is all frail and threatened, needing constant defense and shoring up.

Ending each meditation, there is the prayer that the merit gained by the practice be used to free all beings from suffering:

"Rising above all forces of negativity,
going beyond the turbulence of [belief in] birth, old age, sickness, and death,
from the ocean of samsara,
may I free all beings."

This is always meaningful to me, yet rarely does it reach into the depths of my emotions and empower itself as a creative prayer. Yet our thoughts and words have the power to create within this manufactured realm. We can take action upon the physical using our physical bodies and their efforts, but as Divine creators who manufactured this realm ourselves, we can also act upon this physical realm from a non-physical level. Yet in order for us to do this, we must "move" from the locus of our spiritual self, which is heart-centered. Emotion can be one of the widest paths to that center of connectedness with all life. And today it was music that allowed me to follow that path home, and re-energize my commitment to using my life to help as many people as I can to find freedom from the tyranny of their mental confusion, and to remember who they are.

"Pure, pure like the water,
let it run forever more,
to be clean, clean as the waves
come crashing to the shore.
It leaves me
smooth, smooth as a pebble,
polished in the depth of love
carried by the winds of grace
on the wings of a dove.
...
Arise and awake from your slumber
Kindle ancient flame
as witness to the waves of what's to change
though the essence remains the same."

~ Shimshai from the song "Pure" off the album "Deliverance"

Let yourself rise from the depths of your slumber. Remember who you are. You have lived a life from within a limited perspective, but you are not a limited being. You are Christ. You are Krishna. You are Buddha. Remember, and shine your light so that it might enlighten others as you pass through this world. You are not alone. You were never alone. There is only one of us.

"I know that Jah
is forever beside me.
I know the love
will forever remind me.
I know that Jah
is the light in a darkened world.
I must live in Thy way and Thy will."

~ Shimshai from the song "We Give Thanks" off the album "Live on Maui"

May you see the Truth in yourself, and find it again reflected back to you within every face you see.

Dare to Care

With so much turmoil and suffering in the world, and 24-7 news availability making sure we know about all of it, it's easy for anyone to start shutting down emotionally. You may not even realize it is happening. It's like boiling the frog slowly, so that it never realizes there is a crisis and that it needs to jump out to save its life.

Your open heart is the path to your spiritual unfoldment. The awakened heart IS what it means to be awake. Therefore, anything that causes you to close your heart is a direct threat to your spiritual health. You must respond with action and not wait for things to get bad enough that you are noticing impairment in your day to day life. By then you have already lost so much.

There is a meditation you can easily do in just 5 minutes each morning to re-attune yourself to the path of awakening. Just sit with eyes closed and begin to imagine all the fear and worry people are feeling in their lives right now. Maybe start with people you know personally and the worries you know them to have, or start with the things you worry about yourself, but make sure you expand your awareness to realize that all around the world people are worrying about what is going to happen in different areas of their lives. This worry eats them up inside and dulls their ability to feel joy. Really imagine this until you can feel the feeling of their worry within yourself. Then imagine all their worry being consumed by a beautiful bright light, vanishing out of existence in a flash.

Then begin to think of other feelings of suffering people live their lives buried beneath. The anger, the sadness, the guilt -- imagine each one being liberated into light all around the world. (Perhaps note to yourself that this light is real, all-powerful, and all-pervasive. It is always present, and is in fact your own essential nature.) In the end, spend another minute watching as each person the world around shines their inner light brightly, no longer being dulled by the clouds of fear, anger, grief, shame and the mental confusion these turmoultous inner states cause.

When you are done, rise and go about your day with the conviction that you will be a beacon of light in the world, living your own life free of these conflicting emotions and helping those around you to do the same. Remember to notice each person you meet as an individual and greet them with an open heart. Be well.

Be the Blessing

I've begun sharing occasional tea visits with my lama, now that I am living so near him. This week the subject was primarily about bodhicitta.

Bodhicitta is called the heart of enlightenment, and what it refers to is the compassionate wish to benefit all beings. This wish is not an idea, but a way of being in the world, and when fully developed it leads the person to their own Buddhahood because it is only then that they can be of maximum benefit to others. It is the most powerful urge towards enlightenment, empowering a person to fully commit themselves to practice of the teachings in daily life as well as creating discipline with respect to seated practice.

We talked about those people (Buddhist teachers especially) who talked a lot about compassion, but showed none towards the people they had daily dealings with. "They love humanity but don't give a wit about people" is how I put it. He said that I had a deeper insight than most people and that I must trust my own feelings about such people no matter what recognition or status such teachers had among others.

We also discussed my own fledgling bodhicitta. I told him of my efforts to send blessings to people I would see as I went about my day, people I saw on the street as I drove home from work who looked sad or co-workers, clerks and cashiers I interacted with during the day. He said that I must allow myself to be the blessing, not give it.

I realized when he said that that earlier that day I had seen an overweight teen standing by herself looking down at the ground for an inordinate amount of time while I waited at a stop light. I had tried to send her a blessing in my usual way, but I just couldn't get the visualization to form clearly in my mind. I kept trying but it wouldn't work and eventually the traffic light changed and I had to drive on, but then I had the thought that my intent for her happiness was the blessing. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that she was no longer looking down but up and around her, as if she had newly found the courage to be present there on the street as she waited for her bus to come. And I thought, "maybe the wish to give blessing is the blessing and no need for mental formulations of any kind beyond that simple goodwill."

So when my lama said that later the same day it carried a lot of weight with me. I already have a habit of sending blessings to people throughout the day, but now when I catch myself doing it I stop and observe my own heart and how it is opening to them. And I try to be aware of how my open heart may be affecting theirs. Similarly, I try to be aware when my heart is closed, as I mechanically interact with people, and I take responsibility in those moments for the affect I may be having then also.

If there was one blessing I would most choose to give, it would be to let my heart be so open all the time that it was like a sun always glowing, constantly giving off the blessings of joy and warmth and alighting the hearts of all it touched.

My lama says that the prayer for bodhicitta is the highest aspiration of Buddhism. Well I don't suppose I need to have the highest aspiration to be satisfied. But it is the truest for me. I have tired of all the concepts about what is. I have played with all sorts of ideas about truth, and found them quite engaging, but now I would trade all of that for a steady glow of blessing.

Giving the Self Away

My interview with Tulku Thubten Rinpoche a few days ago (now named Anam Thubten Rinpoche) has settled into my consciousness as a newfound resolve to spend some time each day intentionally moving through the world with a mind focused primarily towards fulfilling the needs of others.

I tend to naturally be a pretty generous person, but I realized that that is only relative. Relative to the outrageous levels of selfishness that characterize our society, I'm pretty generous and thoughtful. However, relative to Rinpoche, I've got a lot of room for improvement.

As Rinpoche said on the show, the true measure of genuine spiritual accomplishment is guaged by loving-kindness. And I am not just playing at a game called "spiritual practice." My aim is to truly achieve awakening within this lifetime so that I may offer the greatest help to beings that is possible with this lifetime.

What I love about Anam Thubten Rinpoche, and other great teachers who embody both high intelligence/ scholarly knowledge and loving-kindness is that they provide an example of what is possible. It is so easy to rest on one's laurels after just a little spiritual accomplishment if we do not have those models for what is possible.

Another wonderful benefit of spending a few hours a day intentionally prowling the world with an eye out for what might benefit others and a willingness to fulfill those needs as best one can, is that it provides a powerful tool for self-transcendence. While you are thinking of them, you aren't mulling over yourself at that moment. What a needed break, huh?

One of the things I love so much about interviewing people of significant spiritual accomplishment is that it allows me to not only be a student of these great "world-lovers" but that is also allows me to model spiritual study, contemplation and application for others. I realize one thing I have always been exceptionally good at is learning, really taking in and applying knowledge, and that not everyone knows how to do that. So if I can help someone develop that skill, wow, what a great joy that would be.

I hope you've been listening to the shows, and that you have been receiving some benefit. Next week, James Twyman. Looking forward to it.

Daily Spiritual Practice

Many people think of spiritual practice in terms of seated practice. You sit on a cushion and meditate or do a sadhana. But actually those are preparatory steps and the practice happens after you get up and go out into the world.

The real practice comes in our dealings with others. It's easier to develop the proper frame of mind during seated practice since there are controlled circumstances. It is quiet. We are alone with ourselves. We have a clear intention to do nothing but develop ourselves in terms of patience, joy, clarity, peace, etc. It is a good learning lab.

Then we go out into the world that is filled with distractions, focused on materialistic gain and self-aggrandizement, and characterized by competition (and even cruelty) in much of human relations. The practice is to maintain the view and intention of our spiritual paths in the midst of that. We practice. That means we try and fail then try again, repeatedly.

I have met so many people who present themselves as advanced practitioners who I see as absolute beginners. They make no real effort at integrity in the way they live their lives, and seem to have even missed the teachings on the value of simple kindness and human goodness. You know, the kindegarden kind of stuff. I don't care how many retreats a person's been to; if they lie, cheat, steal, and abuse people as their daily fare, they need to pick up a spiritual practice.

And they need to start with the beginner's material, not the advanced stuff. When people begin beyond their level, they never truly begin. A person can spend 20 years acting out "spirituality" with no actual progress. They may have a shrine room, membership on the boards of a dozen religious organizations, and privileged access to high officials in their faith, but if they aren't living their daily lives with integrity and kindness (even when they know they won't get caught), they have not yet begun the path.

If you recognize yourself in this description, my heartfelt advice to you is "No regrets. Just start." And start from where you are with great joy and humility. Begin at the beginning and you will find yourself swiftly moving up the mountain path, with a spring in your step, at last.

[This post was revised on Oct. 26, 2005]